Talk Money With Your Honey
February 14th is the day that we show love for our honey, main squeeze, or sweetie. We spend money on candy, cards, dinner, and so many other things. And although that is fun and many times necessary for a quality relationship, that isn't the only way you can be loving.
Talking about money is a very loving act. When you share your financial life with another that is intimate. Our money stories hold our strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, triumphs, and failures. When you discuss all of this with another person it builds trust, unity, and interdependence. You are saying, “I love you enough to give you this important piece of my life. I believe we are financially better together.”
So, if talking about money is loving then how do we do it? I get asked all the time how couples can discuss money matters without fighting.
Here are a few ways you can talk money with your honey.
Timing Is Key
Catch them at a good time. If you are tired, then it doesn’t matter what you talk about. The conversation may not end well. Consider the best time of day and then day of the week where you can have each others undivided attention.
CAUTION: DON’T TALK MONEY ON VALENTINE’S DAY. NOBODY WANTS THAT!
Keep It Short
Keep it short. I spend all of my working hours coaching families and even I don’t want to spend hours with my husband discussing our money matters. Maybe you need to broach the subject with just 15 minutes. Don’t feel like you have to get it all out at one time. No one will come back to your money meeting ever again if you turn it into a weekend summit!
Know Your Agenda
Have a topic. It is vital that you know what you want to accomplish in the meeting. If you don’t reflect on your goals or understand the household priorities, you will waste too much time on things that don’t matter. Get to the heart of an issue quickly so it can be resolved quickly. Wasted time = waste money.
Walk Don’t Run
Be open. No one has all the answers. Be willing to listen if your partner has an opposing view. Seek to find agreement and understanding, but don’t stress if everything isn’t resolved in one moment. The goal is to get better at discussing your money over time. Remember you have a lifetime of learning and earning ahead of you so pace yourself.
I know most people think talking about money isn’t sexy. But I would challenge this thought. What if you invested just as much time in your financial life as you do dating each other, buying gifts, or even having sex!? Yep, I said it! What if you invested in your financial life so you can see it as more attractive and an enjoyable moment together. You are preparing your future with the love of your life. That should be fun and a bit sexy if you ask me!
This is the very reason I wrote my book, Naked and Unashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. We spend a lot of time with our significant others and share our bodies with them, but we don’t feel comfortable talking about money. Maybe now is a good time to get a copy of my book and work through it together. It will give you the necessary framework for discussing your money and help you become a team in this area of your life. You can get the book here.
So enjoy your Valentine with no money talk but also be sure to schedule some time after to talk about your financial future!
Need help? I would love to chat with both of you. You can schedule your free strategy call here.
